Friday, February 5, 2010

How Science Suppresses the Sex Lives of Republicans

According to Utah State Representative Mike Noel, global climate change is a conspiracy theory. He insists that the whole idea of shifting climates was put together by the world’s biologists, climatologists and other scientists as an elaborate effort to control his sex life.

Speaking to climate change, Republican Mike Noel (at left) explained recently that, “This is absolutely, in my mind, in fact a conspiracy to limit population not only in this country but across the globe."

Being both a Republican and an enthusiast of the equestrian arts, Noel isn’t the type to quietly lie down and let the lefties fondle his reproductive liberties! To the contrary, he has been an outspoken proponent of Utah’s House Joint Resolution 12; a proposition that aims to stop the Environmental Protection Agency from establishing policies that reduce carbon dioxide. Noel’s good friend, Republican Kerry Gibson, sponsored Resolution 12 because… Well…

Well, because there’s a global conspiracy going on!

Here are a few proofs of the conspiracy as listed in House Joint Resolution 12:

1. “…Climategate, indicate[s] a well organized and ongoing effort to manipulate and incorporate "tricks" related to global temperature data in order to produce a global warming outcome…”

2. “…there has been a concerted effort by climate change alarmists to marginalize those in the scientific community who are skeptical of global warming by manipulating or pressuring peer-reviewed publications to keep contrary or competing scientific viewpoints and findings on global warming from being reviewed and published…”

3. “…the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC), a blend of government officials and scientists, does no independent climate research but relies on global climate researchers”

4. “…the climate change "gravy train," estimated at more than $7 billion annually in federal government grants, may have influenced the climate research focus and findings that have produced a "scientific consensus" at research institutions and universities”

In addition to deducing the above listed ‘hard facts,’ Noel and Gibson also arranged for a hired gun to testify as an expert witness at Utah’s legislative proceedings. The hired gun was non other than the infamous Roy “shunned by the system” Spencer, a climatologist from Alabama whose work has been continuously rejected by the scientific community – yet further evidence of the conspiracy!

Checking Roy's facts during the proceedings was a group of 18 scientists from Brigham Young University. The group unanimously concluded that he was full of crap and even “patently false.” Accordingly, they put their findings into an open letter (available here), which each scientists signed. The letter was mailed to the State legislature in hopes of dissuading them from passing the resolution.

What was the result of this unified effort?

Republican chairman of the Utah farm group Randy Parker publicly demanded a formal apology from Brigham Young University. Parker in part stated that, "I guess the bottom line here, from my perspective, is that science is an open process of ongoing research and debate, and a group of scientists should not make these kinds of statements about another scientist…” (Note: I couldn’t agree more with this sentiment. The art of debating without debating is under-appreciated.)

So unfortunately, it looks as though Mike Noel, Kerry Gibson, and Randy Parker’s fight for breeding rights has paid-off for the republicans. House Joint Resolution 12 passed committee yesterday morning. The state of Utah is about to tell the Federal Government that climate change is nothing but a conspiracy theory, take the EPA regulations and shove 'em!

This should be great for tourism: Welcome to Utah – the State of Denial!

References & Credits:
Sovacool, B., & Brown, M. (2009). Scaling the policy response to climate change Policy and Society, 27 (4), 317-328 DOI: 10.1016/j.polsoc.2009.01.003

Chris Vanocur-ABC Channel 4

Judy Fahys- Salt Lake Tribune

Photo: Mike Noel


  1. it's obviously a communist conspiracy to contaminate our precious bodily fluids

  2. Think of all the organization and effort behind a conspiracy of this magnitude! Most sane people would think it would be almost impossible...

  3. > Most sane people would think it would be almost impossible...

    Almost?! I would love to hear how every national science of every industrialised country on the planet could be forced to produce the same lies, the same evidence and for none of the thousands of scientists involved to come forward and expose the conspiracy!

    The moon landing 'hoax' would be easier to believe because that only involved one organisation in one country.

    Also, who is making the glaciers and the Arctic ice sheets join in with the conspiracy?! How about the flowers that bloom earlier? How about the migrating birds?

    It's an impressive hoax!

  4. One of the primary liberal failings, and well known, is their antipathy to lock-step propaganda, which leads (amongst other things) to an inability to present an organized front. Put that together with a belief that information should be free, shows conspiracies involving all of us are therefore impossible.

    Not to mention every one of the points (except the formation of the IPCC, and WTF does that have to do with anything?) are solidly proven false.

    Of course, the current incarnation of the Repubs do do things in lockstep, so they _are_ capable of group-wide conspiracies. I wonder what is going on right now?

  5. All great points – thanks!

    Conspiracy nuts are one thing, but when this crap ends up as the driving force behind a legislative action – wow!

    Reading the linked Resolution 12, I couldn’t help but feel ashamed for the people represented by these nimrods.

    OK, you think it’s a conspiracy – prove it! Stop whining, stop crying, stop being deceitful and prove your point. The entire motion consists of nothing more than outdated headlines from the popular press. I don’t expect politicians to be scientists, but requiring them to have the ability to think rationally and reasonably shouldn’t be too much to ask.

    (I’m getting on a rant again…)

    Thanks again for the comments.